This is an incredibly exciting time - however, it has brought about a different kind of stress that I had not prepared myself for, which is why I wanted to share some thought and bits of advice to other people who may be considering marriage.
1. No matter what you expect, the big day is NOT all about you.
First of all, there are two people getting married. While many guys may not have thought much about their wedding before now, their opinion is equally as important as yours because they will also be getting married (duh).
Beyond your spouse-to-be, families will also contribute a lot to the planning process - whether you like it or not. This may be your mom's first or only wedding she gets to help plan and this may be your mother-in-law's first or only wedding she gets to help plan! Whether you want to believe it or not, their ideas are not only good ideas, but they have the aspect of wisdom on their side! Go to them and open your planning up to leave room for the advice of your family - you will be thankful for their input and you will have a lot less conflict in the long run.
Beyond your spouse-to-be, families will also contribute a lot to the planning process - whether you like it or not. This may be your mom's first or only wedding she gets to help plan and this may be your mother-in-law's first or only wedding she gets to help plan! Whether you want to believe it or not, their ideas are not only good ideas, but they have the aspect of wisdom on their side! Go to them and open your planning up to leave room for the advice of your family - you will be thankful for their input and you will have a lot less conflict in the long run.
2. Take this time to learn and grow together.
This is something I have heard quite a few times now: you WILL go through marriage counseling - it is just up to you to decide whether that will be before or after the wedding ;)
Premarital counseling is actually pretty wonderful! During your engagement or even pre-engagement, enjoy this time to get to know each other better and have safe, facilitated conversations about the difficult aspects of marriage.
Eric and I have had the opportunity to grow in quite a few different ways as we prepare for marriage. We are going through traditional counseling with the pastor who will marry us - and let me tell you, that man LOVES his wife! We have attended a marriage conference with both engaged and married couples. And during our quiet times together, Eric and I are working through "Ready To Wed" by Greg and Erin Smalley - this book has really opened up a lot of great dialogue between us and I am very thankful for the wisdom shared throughout its pages.
Premarital counseling is actually pretty wonderful! During your engagement or even pre-engagement, enjoy this time to get to know each other better and have safe, facilitated conversations about the difficult aspects of marriage.
Eric and I have had the opportunity to grow in quite a few different ways as we prepare for marriage. We are going through traditional counseling with the pastor who will marry us - and let me tell you, that man LOVES his wife! We have attended a marriage conference with both engaged and married couples. And during our quiet times together, Eric and I are working through "Ready To Wed" by Greg and Erin Smalley - this book has really opened up a lot of great dialogue between us and I am very thankful for the wisdom shared throughout its pages.
3. Be prepared to talk about your wedding...a lot!
I have found that people are very interested in wedding plans! However, different life stages bring different questions. Older people tend to want to hear about the stress and how I am handling it all, then they share with me how important it is to just enjoy the day. Then there are people who are close to my age or younger, and they only want to know the fun aspects of wedding planning: my dress, shoes, hair, colors and so on.
While I enjoy any chance to share my wedding journey, I have found that very few people my age want to hear me talk about the less glamorous aspects of wedding plans. Just be prepared, especially if there are not many people in your circle that are also engaged or in committed relationships.
While I enjoy any chance to share my wedding journey, I have found that very few people my age want to hear me talk about the less glamorous aspects of wedding plans. Just be prepared, especially if there are not many people in your circle that are also engaged or in committed relationships.
4. You really do not have to have a #perfect wedding.
Planning my wedding has brought on a new kind of stress I really thought I had matured beyond. I have developed this idea from social media and friends who are just #flawless with their filters means my wedding needs to look a certain way to be "worthy." Worthy of what? I am not sure...but worthy nonetheless.
This fear that my wedding will not be good enough has left me with genuine guilt in my heart for not being able to provide my bridesmaids with adequate gifts and matching outfits and fun things to do together. Although I know that as a 20-year-old, no one can logically expect this extravagance from me - but I still feel the pressure to meet the guidelines society has placed around me. I even went so far one day to write an apology to each of my bridesmaids because I couldn't give them a #PinterestPerfect wedding.
I never sent the notes, they were ripped up and thrown away. Why? Because I must remember that my wedding is not about these trivial, materialistic ideals that platforms such as Pinterest and Instagram have set forth. My wedding is about love. My wedding is about starting life with Eric and celebrating this start with our friends and family - that is what truly makes it a perfect wedding.
This fear that my wedding will not be good enough has left me with genuine guilt in my heart for not being able to provide my bridesmaids with adequate gifts and matching outfits and fun things to do together. Although I know that as a 20-year-old, no one can logically expect this extravagance from me - but I still feel the pressure to meet the guidelines society has placed around me. I even went so far one day to write an apology to each of my bridesmaids because I couldn't give them a #PinterestPerfect wedding.
I never sent the notes, they were ripped up and thrown away. Why? Because I must remember that my wedding is not about these trivial, materialistic ideals that platforms such as Pinterest and Instagram have set forth. My wedding is about love. My wedding is about starting life with Eric and celebrating this start with our friends and family - that is what truly makes it a perfect wedding.
